Field Notes

📓28 December 2024

I'm often caught by the thought that I’m running out of time. And then the more I sit with it, the clearer it becomes: it isn’t time that’s running out. It’s me, forgetting to live inside the minute I’m in and always somewhere away from the now. Backward, forward, jumping around here and there, looking for what? The past that can never be retrieved, or the future good of tomorrow that never comes?

It’s the impermanence of things—the knowledge that nothing stays—that unsettles me. And so I chase, I hold, I hoard, as if I might outrun entropy. But I don’t. None of us do. Everything slips through anyway. That’s the part no one tells you: how much futility there is in meaning, how much meaning there is in futility.

A bloody infinite downward spiral to a bottomless pit of despair.

Don't cling. There's nothing.

📓2 June 2022

Remember

This shit (whatever we’re dealing with now, you and I) is part of the process, it’s okay to have setbacks and doomsdays. The key is to stay focused, persist with patience, and don’t forget to be kind to ourselves.

Be Kind

Practicing self-compassion can feel like an alien concept when my awareness is clouded by life noise, which thankfully only happens sometimes.

Just be aware, be kind, and keep working ardently and persistently.

Life often brings us through dooming periods where challenges and difficulties seem insurmountable. Yet, in these moments of despair, hope becomes our most powerful and, perhaps, our only ally.

Holding onto hope and persisting through the trials allows us to see the silver lining that hangs every dark cloud. These glimmers of light are not always immediately visible, but they exist, to offer us strength and guidance.

How conscious are we to be aware of this seemingly insignificant glint?

Have we stopped to look and appreciate it?

Hope fuels resilience, enabling us to overcome obstacles and emerge stronger. It teaches us that every setback is a setup for a comeback, and every struggle carries the seeds of opportunity and growth.

By maintaining a hopeful outlook and persevering despite hardships, we can transform our perspective, finding beauty and purpose in our journey.

Refrain from getting consumed by life’s noise and the unconscious content of our minds. So, —

Stop. And stare.

Remember what Rumi told us about the light and the wound?

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” — Rumi

Keep the faith alive.

Thank you for spending time with me today.

16 March 2018

I took this shot with my phone in 2016 out of the Glacier Express window, and since then, this lucky shot has become one of my favorite special moments.

At one of the peaks, I don’t remember where but the train made a very brief stop at this station, that faces a panoramic view of the Swiss Alps. In that moment of the fast setting sun, in the exact second, I looked out the window on that particular side I was sitting on, this hiker gentleman walked past and decided to make a stop right there in my frame and struck me this pose.

This is synchronicity.

This makes the peak experience, that exact moment, so random and special that it had me shed tears of joy (or maybe it was the wine…) — it was perfect. It was meant for me.

The essence of this is that we all can experience more of these special few, fleeting seconds by simply looking around, up and down, and noticing all the subtle details that make that moment what it is — and appreciate the cosmic orchestra the universe has arranged especially for us, and us alone.

There is magic in every moment, no matter where you are. Cultivate your awareness to be present in the moment, there, you’ll see.

Always.

Thank you for spending time with me today.

6 June 2022

I've overcome the anxiety of having to save every space on the paper. Most of the time, I didn't need to– I'm just a hoarder.

I hoard things that nurture my insecurity of the, "I'm not enough" old days, and today I realized that the awareness fortress of the fact that I'm no longer back in that time, is cured and strong.

I don't need to stress over petty peeves like this. I have a choice now.

Even a small but significant discovery like this, counts.

✨Triumph.

12 August 2020

Can you take a close look at why you act the way you act? And can you identify which parts of that you want to change? Is it fear? Is it rage? Is it grief or maybe loneliness?

Can you begin dealing with them now, and deal with them quickly? Carrying them around in life will make you mentally ill.

What is it in me that I don't like? Who the hell am I, really? And who did I think I was? Have I been living a version of me, but not really me? Am I that person I think I am? Am I actually living that life?

I think who I think I am, and who I really am, aren't the same person. I want to be that person I think I am.

Damn. I thought I was better than I actually am.

I will become the person I thought I was. I can make that happen. I think I have more control over how I want to experience this life than I think.

And I know I'm right.