Then

As a child, I used to loathe sunsets.

The twilight time would bring melancholy and the upcoming hours of darkness that smother me with a heavy blanket of anxiety. Fear and loneliness crept up and settled in my bones, and they didn’t leave till dawn broke.

That’s my childhood years, in the household where my other four siblings had not experienced it similarly.

I wondered why I felt this way. It was so intense that I had to begin the quest for an answer to such misery at a very young age.

Fast forward a few decades of trial and error, stacks of notebooks and journals, years of Vipassana meditation, and education in psychology (primarily self-taught) — I became one with nature. I met the life that was absent before.

Now, I love the sunset as much as the sunrise.

There’s no terror or mystery about darkness, it happens every twelve hours. (sorry, the northernmost and southernmost regions…)

Nature reminds me that I must welcome the twilight dusk as warmly as the light of breaking dawn. It’s the truth of life, no other way.

Each day, nature presents us with a symphony of light and dark, a dance of sunrise and sunset. I don’t prefer one over the other; they’re both beautiful in their own unique ways, each offering a different perspective on life.

The dawn sky glowed a warm golden hue, casting a soft, luminous light over the waking world. Looking at the sea glinting in the sunrise sparkles a sense of hope within me. Each shimmering ray seems to whisper promises of a new beginning of endless possibilities.

It is the same as the vibrant twilight sky painted with orange, pink, and dark purple hues, creating a breathtaking canvas of fading daylight. The horizon glows with a serene beauty as the colors gradually deepen into the approaching night and utter gratitude and peace of the ending day.

Explore the darkness as much as the light. Celebrate the joy while embracing the pain. And in between, somewhere in the fifth dimension, you’ll discover a life worth living.🌟

2 June 2022

Remember

This shit (whatever we’re dealing with now, you and I) is part of the process, it’s okay to have setbacks and doomsdays. The key is to stay focused, persist with patience, and don’t forget to be kind to ourselves.

Be Kind

Practicing self-compassion can feel like an alien concept when my awareness is clouded by life noise, which thankfully only happens sometimes.

Just be aware, be kind, and keep working ardently and persistently.

11 June 2024

The loving home that once stood; a beacon of memories, now stands as a testament to time’s relentless decay.

The morning sun that shines will disappear at the end of the day, and darkness will overwhelm.

The love that once dearly loved can forever be lost.

A life that once lived will surely die.

The truth is simple, but why is it hard to accept?

“The truth of suffering must be explored to its end.” — The Buddha.

Understand the impermanent nature of life to realize how clinging and aversion perpetuate our suffering. It’s always these two that keep us up at night.

Allow yourself to grieve, drown in tears, then pick up the pieces and move on with time, — with life. Don’t oppose or loathe it.

Allow yourself to celebrate, enjoy the pleasure, and be pumped with happiness, then move on with time — with life. Don’t cling on to it.

Arising. Passing. Arising. Passing.

It will come at ease with a profound awareness of the insight into the nature of reality. It will guide you to appropriate action with a balanced mind.

Hello there, hoping life treats you kindly.

I have been working on setting myself up for this year's Nanowrimo (an annual writing marathon where participants aim to write a 50,000-word novel in the month of November), which was the event I got the first draft of my memoir done in 2021. Preptober, as we call it, is the October month when we get organized; summarize the outline of the novel, accumulate the research, develop the characters and the world, etc. A lot of preparation to be done now before we start the sprint in November.

But of course, not all can be achieved at the same time in this one month.

Prioritizing and letting go of some 'want to do' on the list will play a big role in these last three months before coming to the end of the year. Just the thought of it is already getting me on the edge of things (in a good way), in as much as it contributes to a sense of my FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), which isn't just the anxiety and stress about missing out on the experiences, social interactions and latest trends, or events.

In my case, this is the fear of not being able to accomplish everything on my agenda, the fear of not maximizing my time to the most optimal, or not having done enough research for what I need (hoarding), or the fear of choosing the wrong thing to focus on. This results in me juggling multiple (and complex) activities and ending up freezing in more intense terror by not being able to get anything done.

I then realized that I'm now back in a state where perfectionism is overpowering me.

I've been fighting this villain devil for as long as I can remember but only become acquainted with imperfection over the past several years. This is coming from someone who dreaded the white, blank page of a notebook because I believed that in whatever we do, everything can be fixed and perfected– except for the pristine, unsullied whiteness of a blank page that once it's struck by a line of ink, it's forever done and nothing can fix that impurity. This is the effortless quality of true perfection, and for this exact reason, it is very hard for a perfectionist to let it go.

So many things happened in the past week, so many stories waiting to be told, but I still find it impossible to get my ducks to align in a nice row of priorities. I'm doubting my ability and discounting my achievements, I'm feeling like a fraud; a sideshow, despite all the evidence of my competence, and that's a kill for creativity.

But I know that this is only temporary.

This twisted wreck, turbulent state of mind. Every week still feels like a push but that's OK because I know of its transient nature, and I know it will come to an end very soon.

I just know.

Like I know that one day we may arrive at the point where it all becomes too much. When the heart says 'no more', and we eventually give up.

And that's where the real work begins.

The work of finding the will to hope, and the power to thrive– in the midst of all the despair around.

I push forward because I know how good it will feel after I hit the "publish" button.

I push forward because I know that progress is happiness, and how much it will fuel me with the feeling of being alive.

I push forward because I have complete trust in my operating system, believing it will bring contentment and joy have I stick to it.

Thank you so much to all of you at the receiving end. You are part of this victory because I know that there are people who will read this and may benefit from it even in the smallest way.

And that's enough for me.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week

"Nothing is easier than to accumulate facts, nothing is so hard as to use them." – Oscar Wilde.

"On any given day, you may struggle with your habits because you're too busy or too tired or too overwhelmed or hundreds of other reasons. Over the long run, the real reason you fail to stick with habits is that your self-image gets in the way. This is why you can’t get too attached to one version of your identity. Progress requires unlearning. Becoming the best version of yourself requires you to continuously edit your beliefs, and to upgrade and expand your identity." – James Clear, (Atomic Habits)

1 self-reminder to meditate on

This is what I seek and often find in nature.

Some grand, infinite, empowering yet invisible companion I can go take a walk with. Thank you for being there and pointing the way to guide me forward with indefinite courage and will to go on.

No matter what.

168.2.1 was my first attempt to send out a weekly newsletter. It lasted eleven weeks. It was hard, too ambitious a goal, but it taught me to love myself through missteps and the adversity of perseverance.

Hello there, hoping life treats you kindly.

The cool breeze of autumn now swirls through the air, marking the end of the brutal summer heat and bringing with it a renewed sense of hope; even in the midst of the dead of the leaves.

This week we cover the theme of Existential Vacuum, the term coined by the Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor E. Frankl. In his book, "Man's Search for Meaning" published in 1946, draws on Frankl's experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps during World War II and his subsequent work as a psychiatrist. It's my go-to book for those days when the clouds are low and dark, and the sky wears a thick gloomy veil.

In this essay, I told a brief story of the time when I was trapped in the cycle of a routine and used it for redemption to heal the wounds of my past failures. It is characterized by a deep and pervasive feeling of inner emptiness, as if life lacks significance or purpose. This is the vacuum in which we experience a deep sense of emptiness, a lack of purpose, and a profound absence of meaning in our lives—a state of entrapment that many of us find ourselves in (without knowing it).

And next, Midlife Liminality Part 3 is finally out.

This is the narrative of my personal journey, where I struggled with the challenging task of separating "who I now feel I am" and "who I appeared to be– in my own eyes and in the eyes of others in the past". It is difficult to say goodbye to our glorious days, that's how I was trapped in the world of past achievements.

The idea is that as we go through the process of personal growth and inner development, our cognitive capacities will mature to higher levels, unlocking greater awareness, potential, and creative possibilities.

Dare to kill your darling, as there will always be a better one to flourish if you're willing to endure the hard work inside.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”― Viktor E. Frankl

"It is a paradox of life that we do not begin to live until we begin to die." – Richard P. Cowan

1 self-reminder to meditate on

Your worth is not measured by your productivity. It has nothing to do with the state of your to-do list. True self-worth shouldn't be about how much you get done or how much you get paid for doing it.

Your actions and their underlying motivations should ideally align with a sense of authenticity that emanates from your own heart if you are fortunate enough to be able to view them from a spiritual perspective.

Unless of course, in the case of survival being the prime concern, then the why is to survive and that is a great thing.

You too have been there.

168.2.1 was my first attempt to send out a weekly newsletter. It lasted eleven weeks. It was hard, too ambitious a goal, but it taught me to love myself through missteps and the adversity of perseverance.

Hello there, hoping life treats you kindly.

If you noticed the missing newsletter email last week, my deep apologies.

It has been two weeks time of assisting others' needs first, and I'm not quite sure why.

It got me thinking about how easily we can neglect or overlook ourselves, possibly in favor of focusing on something or someone else. Sure, there may be times when external distractions or priorities take precedence over our own needs and self-care, and we forget to pay attention to how we feel.

I'm always happy to extend my helping hand, to provide comfort for friends and family when there's a need, and to share my genuine opinion and advice. Most of the time, I feel valued and appreciated (and at times; used) for the reason that somehow in that willingness to help, I can always find something useful or comforting assurance about my own values, purpose, and lessons.

The problem is, sometimes I just forget that I too, have my things; my priorities, my focus work, and my needs.

I forgot about me.

The above picture quote from Nietzsche reminds me to stop and look inside. What is the hard emotion that bothered me? I should feel good but why didn't I? Is it true that loneliness is one possibility? Came the beginning of a self-reflection process.

Investigated further, I saw a formation of emotional inner conflict built up inside of me. I wanted to help people out but I forgot me, I forgot to help me out. I was stressed that I didn't finish anything I drafted, I didn't send out the newsletter, and I didn't touch the book I was supposed to finish reading a month ago.

I didn't do what I intended to do.

My intention didn't align with my actions. And I made it worse by saying "That's OK" when really, it was not.

What deterred my action from my intention? What needs was I trying to meet?

When I am in a dark state like this, I think of the wisdom from a few of my go-to thinkers (gurus); Jean-Paul Sartre, Carl Rogers, and Freud, but two of the darkest in this theme of psychological turmoil, I would give it to Dostoevsky and Kafka.

In this essay, I laid out some of the basic concepts of what distress we can experience simply because of the misalignment between intention, action, and speech. And guess where does this come from?

Our lack of self-awareness. I was disconnected from my Self.

This means I forgot me. *notice that the word 'about' has been taken off.

When we forget ourselves, it delves more directly into whether or not we're losing sight of our own identity, values, or needs; the disconnection from our Self. This is more of an introspective statement, focusing on personal identity rather than external influences.

This brings us to another example of how unaware we can be about who we are in the world of perpetual busyness of life. By busyness of life, I mean, the things and activities we do keep ourselves busy. We let circumstances overwhelm us with our time and how we live our lives. We define ourselves as what we do for work, we forget to consciously see who we are, what we need, and how we feel– inside.

It won't take long until we find ourselves trapped in this vacuum– the emptiness of our existence, when we are unable to see inside ourselves. Pay attention to our thoughts, feelings, and values. Don't run away.

Don't forget to look inwardly, be with your thoughts, and reflect on them. This is how we maintain the connection with the Self.

And in there you will find your Hero.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week

"When everything around you seems dark, look again, you may be the light." – Rumi.

"Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind." – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

1 self-reminder to meditate on

Be intentional, be kind, and say no.

This may be the best productivity tool I've ever utilized.

168.2.1 was my first attempt to send out a weekly newsletter. It lasted eleven weeks. It was hard, too ambitious a goal, but it taught me to love myself through missteps and the adversity of perseverance.

Hello there, hoping life treats you kindly.

I didn't get to the finishing line of Part 3 of the series: A Writing Journey of My Memoir I've been drafting the whole week. But please read Part 2 of it here before I post Part 3 next time.

This week, we (my husband and I) were hit hard by a wrecking ball of bad news.

Just a big gamble of chance that didn't turn out in the way we expected it to be after having been betting everything on it (time, energy, hopes, opportunities) for almost two years. He is swamped with disappointment, despair, anxiety, stress, and deep regret, as it was his decision to wait around for it despite faint warning voices in the background from me.

He made a decision to trust the judgment of a single person, and I did the same; I trusted his. It's true that we're both in this together, his decision and mine, lead both of us here in this despair but the impact of guilt he feels is far more. Hence, the entire week has been spent simultaneously comforting and challenging the wounded.

The main focus of this is, trying to help him put things in perspective. Asking brutally honest questions, stating the hard truth, to get down to the root cause of this distress. I'd sum up the situation he's been in (professionally) as walking on a tightrope that is suspended in the air a hundred meters above the ground– fear of height and out of breath, but still having to keep on walking. So, to say that he now needs to continue in this condition to nowhere and in uncertainty would put him in such distress.

Now the situation is consuming him. Everything he experiences feels and looks worse than it actually is, when in fact, it has been in this same way for a while from my point of view. When we see things with eyes that gleam with hope, it always looks bright and promising. But when in gloomy despair, everything looks like we're in the black-and-white silent movie from the late 19th century.

The situation isn't getting worse, but his ability to cope with it is. It feels like he's at the edge and about to fall because he has put all his hopes, strength, and energy into waiting in vain, and now all the resources are used up. I reminded him to focus on regenerating the good energy and hope again, and this is what he needs to prioritize right now in order to go on without damaging his mental well-being, health, and performance at work and at home– essentially, it eats him whole.

We can't go on in bad shape for much longer before we do more damage to ourselves than getting anywhere far.

So, stop. Step aside or above it. Stay afloat. Detach.

Reboost your energy first, and remind yourself that you are LARGER than this bad situation. Look at yourself from a position of power; the seat of the Higher Self.

I will choose him every time, with or without that dream job he lost. He is now reminded to choose himself first, over other things because he is larger than all of them. Of course, there will be hurdles to overcome, problems to be resolved, and difficult actions and decisions to make, but these are external.

How we respond to the situations is still entirely under our control. We still can make choices, can choose, can believe, and can feel better. This internal power stays with us.

Even if we have to wait in this less-than-ideal situation that spans the length of perpetual uncertainty, we still have each other and a great life ahead.

If things don't turn out this or that way, I'll still have a great life.

I believe in this, and this belief has picked me up from a fall countless times.

And still counting.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week.

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." – Jimmy Dean.

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." – Alexander Graham Bell

1 self-reminder to meditate on

Your performance at work is not your worth. Don't tie everything in your life to it

168.2.1 was my first attempt to send out a weekly newsletter. It lasted eleven weeks. It was hard, too ambitious a goal, but it taught me to love myself through missteps and the adversity of perseverance.

Hello there, hoping life treats you kindly.

First of all, please check out our new Glossary Page for an updated summary of what this blog is all about.

And watch the first video I took of Wallie; our dog, on the first day I met him in the unexpected event that brought us together by destiny.

And here's the focus theme of the past 168 hours.

When I was at the end of writing this post, Self-Sabotage: What Our Choices Say About Us, I first wrote a sentence, but then deleted it. Then I typed the second one instead, guessing it might be more grammatically correct.

But somehow it didn't sound right to me. Not wrong, but not as impactful as how my heart communicated to me. Then I looked at them both again and felt slightly different vibrations between these two sentences.

The first sentence was;

"Happy finding the person you knew you would become." And the second,

"Happy finding the person you want to become."

Both sentences are meaningful, however, they convey slightly different sentiments:

"Happy finding the person you knew you would become."

This sentence emphasizes a sense of self-awareness and pre-existing knowledge about who you are meant to be. It suggests a kind of inner knowing or intuition about your true self.

"Happy finding the person you want to become."

This sentence focuses on the aspiration of becoming someone specific. It conveys a sense of actively working towards a desired future self.

Clearly, the first one emphasizes a sense of self-discovery and alignment with your true self, the pre-existing, intuition-driven energy, while the second one emphasizes the journey of growth and transformation, the aspiration of what's not yet to come.

So, what does your gut tell you?

This is why I'm drawn to writing. The nuances of words that weave together have this ability to reach deep within, and connect us to dimensions and emotions I sometimes didn't know existed.

At times, it brings me to a place of divinity, so profound my eyes welled with tears. Peak experience at my desk under the control of my heart and hands, what could beat that?

What grief could be worse than to meet the person you wish you could have become, or see the possibility of a better life you could have lived; but at the end of your final days?

There will be no time left for you, no energy, no hope– not another chance or not a thing you can do to change, except to see death approaching while you breathe your last few breaths before they vanish into the thin air. FOREVER.

You are the history of your hopes and fears. Rewrite what you can TODAY with hopes– not fears, before reaching the end of the road where you find not a single change is possible.

But it still is, right now.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week.

“If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of being, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life.” – Abraham Maslow. Toward a Psychology of Being.

“Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

1 self-reminder to meditate on

Have you ever felt the longing for someone you could admire? Be that person.

Ps. By the way, what's the true cost of living a life of mediocrity again? Die, and leave this life without having met this person.

168.2.1 was my first attempt to send out a weekly newsletter. It lasted eleven weeks. It was hard, too ambitious a goal, but it taught me to love myself through missteps and the adversity of perseverance.

Hello, hoping life treats you kindly.

This week, I'll begin with a question;

Have you been intentional about your choices?

Here's one of the essential steps toward living a life intentionally, and that is decluttering your space. Yes,– both your house and your head.

If you think bagging and throwing out the actual stuff is hard, wait till you feel the amount of the resurgence of suppressed emotions that comes after. This rings especially true when the things you're removing hold a very special and sentimental place in your heart.

The mourning of the past, the longing, and the letting go of it.

In order to get clarity on how you feel and move on, you need to really get intentional about what is essential right now, in this moment, at this point in life. Get really close to your heart, and ask yourself;

What does this clutter say about me? Mine is;

I'm sad.

I'm lonely.

I'm afraid to let go.

I'm insecure about myself.

I'm not enough.

Then tell yourself that you're ready to let go of that. I'm making peace with it by burying this part of me, for good.

Whatever space you're decluttering, when the emotion arises you need to acknowledge the feelings by letting them go through you in order to arrive at the point of equanimity– neutral, peace.

The same goes with the mental space; the old knowledge, old beliefs that are no longer valid, old thought patterns, or old feelings for someone. If it's no longer relevant or beneficial to your growth– let it go.

Amidst the process of overcoming challenges, discover the art of letting go of the past—whether it's seen as positive or negative, its ultimate nature remains uncertain. Someday, the struggles endured might find purpose and transform into life's blessings, as they often do when fully embraced as integral parts of who you are.

Embrace the discomforting emotions rather than resisting them. The more you resist, the more forcefully that energy is propelled shoving you back into your comfort zone.

Acceptance is the antidote to resistance; you can't accept something and resist it at the same time (not a rocket science concept to grasp).

Know your fear. Embrace it, and you'll overcome resistance.

You are the only obstacle that stands in your way. Always have been.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week.

"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering." – Friedrich Nietzsche.

"Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands resistance." – Steven Pressfield.

1 self-reminder to meditate on

With every step I take to overcome resistance, my comfort zone is expanded.

Do I take the essential steps every day in the direction I intend to go?

Great change comes from small persisting actions.

Keep Going. Keep Growing.

168.2.1 was my first attempt to send out a weekly newsletter. It lasted eleven weeks. It was hard, too ambitious a goal, but it taught me to love myself through missteps and the adversity of perseverance.

168 hours have slipped away, leaving our lives that much shorter, what have we accomplished, changed, or how have we expanded? Are we fortified in strength, adorned with newfound happiness, or graced with wisdom? These hours are our canvas—have we painted it with growth?

Following a series of thoughtful reflections on the course and direction for the Individual Star, came the clarity of the most critical step I need to focus my energy on which is, as the famous Stephen King notes, 'kill your darlings'.

Last year, the primary objective behind this work was simply to own my story and tell it with wholehearted honesty. Keep it real and simple.

But I've been doing quite the opposite.

I deviated from that objective for the reason we all know (if you have tried, or are still in this arena of self-actualizing), the fear. I'm still afraid to go all in and put myself out there to be seen.

RESET.

Hence from this week, the newsletter will start to scale down the amount of unintentional content. Up to this point, the intention of the work has been unclear nor established and didn't quite align with the intention I lay at the beginning of this journey. I was trying to achieve too many things (the hoarder is, the hoarder does– I'm working on fixing it), and I let it become unmeaningful.

Some shit needed to be realigned and remembered. And here comes the first step of acknowledging, accepting, and letting go of my idea of a perfect and powerful newsletter (but all too overwhelming and impossible to achieve at this stage)– the change in the newsletter's name to "168.2.1".

168 hours of our lives have passed, and here are the things that flourished.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week.

1 self-reminder to meditate on.

Then the revised structure of the blog posts and articles on this website will be based upon only three fundamental pillars, which are;

1. The Self. Will cover all the deep stuff about the world within, the Soul, the universe, human existence, and beyond.
2. The Midlife. Represents our current existence on Earth within this particular juncture of time and space. It's about discovering our true selves, expanding our perspectives, realizing our capabilities, and understanding the purpose of our existence, all with the aim of charting a course toward self-transcendence.
3. Self-Mastery. This involves intentionally cultivating and refining one's qualities for personal growth and development. It's essentially the practical aspect of self-development—digging into the core concepts to translate theory into sustainable actions.

The Short Stories, My Memoir section, and articles on current affairs will stay (and yes, I'm guilty of not posting enough of that)

Of course, all of them will still be grounded on my personal collections and reflections on meaningful materials I've been gathering in the process of embracing those three areas of life. Journals, planners, commonplace books, and other creative works among them, you'll see them all.

The complete summary of the three will be finalized and presented on the permanent page under the new navigation menu which I haven't come around to yet. Bear with me, next week it will be up and running.

Here I am, showing up and trying again, with or without an audience. The important thing is I do what I value, I walk my talk, and resistance will not defeat me. This is what I need to do to move toward the person I want to become, and I'm sticking to it with the utmost faith in myself.

Can't just keep numbing the pain and hope to feel the joy– just won't work that way. Yeah, embrace the uncomfortable feeling, feel it while maintaining the state of equanimity, and let it go through you in the direction you want this energy to go.

Go there. Intentionally.

2 quotes that resonate with the vibes of the week.

"Aim at something. Discipline yourself. Or suffer the consequence. And what is that consequence? All the suffering of life, with none of the meaning. Is there a better description of hell?" –Jordan Peterson.

"Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it's a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands." – Brené Brown.

1 self-reminder to meditate on

Today, I'm done with performing perfection.

I am authentic and true to my feelings.

Imperfection is a gift.

Happy creating.

168.2.1 was my first attempt to send out a weekly newsletter. It lasted eleven weeks. It was hard, too ambitious a goal, but it taught me to love myself through missteps and the adversity of perseverance.

168 hours have passed. Our lives are 168 hours shorter, what have we done, changed, or achieved? In what way did we grow? Stronger? Happier? Or Wiser?

"Tomorrow morning by some stroke of magic every dazed and benighted soul woke up with the power to take the first step toward pursuing his or her dreams, every shrink in the directory would be out of business." – Steven Pressfield, The War of Art.

The message here is anything worth achieving never comes easy.

The Individual Star, my ride or die; is the work I pour my faith in with unwavering dedication (both thoughts and actions), in the past twelve months. It's not just something about investing my hope and fear in showing my work through personal memories and reflections to the world, it's also an unshakable commitment in my everyday energy and time. To say the least, it is the main reason for my existence, to develop, document, and share the meaningful process of my individuation with the world.

5 themes I immersed in this week.

1. Happy birthday to The Individual Star 🌟And a big hug to you who are reading this. Thank you for your effort and trust that this is not a waste of your time.
2. Speaking of thriving, the Midlife Liminality Series Part 2 is up. Check it out if you're interested in how much fun can approaching the unknown state of life be, in case it will inspire you to embrace the uncomfortable feelings of change instead of eschewing it.
3. I have been working on reviving my commonplace notebooks and strategizing my 2024 productivity system (yes, a revised version of what is already working pretty damn well now). All of this at the same time as well as the other responsibilities I'm committing myself to it, what does this say apart from "I'm not enough"? My typical hoarder self has made her way back strong, and this means I need to slow down on the overwhelming tasks and to-do list and be intentional about how I spend my energy.
4. I will need to take some time off to focus on re-focusing the purpose of why am I starting this journey. Each week, I've been burning it from both ends aiming at five articles with almost a thousand words newsletters, who am I kidding?
   It's hard to keep this from sounding like a blog, but the prose is now slowly flowing that way. Articles! Serious and important journalism only! I am in urgent need to get my ducks in a row and remember my why. It's been a year since I made my declaration of intent on this website, it's never been the best time than now for a refresh.
5. Coming in with all these emotional ups and downs is the overwhelming information I've been binge-reading about the world's effect on climate change. Everything that's happening everywhere in the world now; the intense heatwaves, devasting rainfall, unusual floods, destructive powerful storms, and catastrophic wildfires. I have to stop myself from consuming bad news, what happened to the people and animals really broke my heart. It's time to reduce media consumption for a while.

2 of this week's theme quotes.

"It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting." – Paolo Coelho.

"Per aspera ad astra." To the stars through difficulties. – Seneca.

1 self-reminder.

Center your life around productive work that is meaningful and aligns with your purpose and core values. Focus your energy there.

Hope you all have a great week.

168.2.1 was my first attempt to send out a weekly newsletter. It lasted eleven weeks. It was hard, too ambitious a goal, but it taught me to love myself through missteps and the adversity of perseverance.

168 hours have passed. Our lives are 168 hours shorter, what have we done, changed, or achieved? In what way did we grow? Stronger? Happier? Or Wiser?

Midyear is a sluggish time. The time seems to pass at a creep making days feel like months. Waiting turns torturing, it's the state of mind, by the way– not the distance in space or time.

This is usually the time when I find no book is more entertaining to read than my own journals from the past. To go back and revisit my former self.

I've been keeping my journals since my teens, but the lifelong literary journey began in elementary school. I owe that to my dad who gave me and my siblings journals to fill when we just first started to learn how to write. Here are some of the pages I extracted from my journals and edited for this week's posts.

5 themes I immersed in this week.

1. Let's begin with Part 2 of Knowing Thyself and Approaching the Unconscious. This post is from last year but I haven't included it in the newsletter, and here it is, the second sequel to last week's Part 1.
2. Extracting from my life-long journals, I compiled a list of quotes that are the most revisited which have had profound effects on shifting my paradigm– especially during the midlife transition period, and still resonate with me to this day. Read it here
3. What is self-esteem and how does it differ from self-confidence? How is your self-esteem doing today anyway? Here's a quick check-in to remind you to be kind to your beloved self.
4. And as we live in challenging times, let me convince you one more time of the benefits of keeping a journal, both to overall mental well-being and to the development of the brain. If you haven't yet considered it, read this and give it a try.
5. July is finally bidding its farewell, and I'm glad that the brutal heat will soon be over. Last week's article in the Economist on Global Boling has once again, got me anxious with all these conflicts and crises, I can't help but wonder what the world is coming to. This is about raising awareness though, not heart rate, but it did raise mine.

2 of this week's theme quotes.

"We write to taste life twice. In the moment and in retrospection." – Anais Nin.

“I should advise you to put it all down as beautifully as you can – in some beautifully bound book,” Jung instructed. “It will seem as if you were making the visions banal — but then you need to do that — then you are freed from the power of them… Then when these things are in some precious book you can go to the book & turn over the pages & for you it will be your church — your cathedral — the silent places of your spirit where you will find renewal. If anyone tells you that it is morbid or neurotic and you listen to them — then you will lose your soul — for in that book is your soul.”
Source: NY Times Magazine article, “The Holy Grail of the Unconscious.”

1 self-reminder.

When I'm living a good day, what am I spending my time on? And imagine if I'm doing that right now, I'm already having a good day :)

Hope you all have a great week.

168.2.1 was my first attempt to send out a weekly newsletter. It lasted eleven weeks. It was hard, too ambitious a goal, but it taught me to love myself through missteps and the adversity of perseverance.

168 hours have passed. Our lives are 168 hours shorter, what have we done, changed, or achieved? In what way did we grow? Stronger? Happier? Or Wiser?

I planned for this newsletter to be sort of an update, a weekly review of what's on in my world in the past 168 hours– hence the name. But it turned out the last time I posted this update was in week 19, and now? It's week 30.

One can only imagine what has happened to time, my life, and the stars. So much happening so quickly but it feels as if not much had changed.

5 themes I immersed in this week.

In fact, the only theme that swept me off my feet in these past few weeks was–

Disruption.

1. First, I went to a 10-day Vipassana meditation after a month's pause due to family duty. It took me a while before I could get back into the work momentum to begin my day-to-day life in the same manner again after almost two months of no proper work routine. I did write one article though after I got back from the meditation, in case you're considering going, read it here first so you'll find your first time less intimidating.
2. Then there was the uncertainty of the future regarding a career path that re-entered my life again, and it kept me waiting high and dry– yet again. I thought the opportunity might happen, I really did but I realized that if it was meant to happen, it would have happened already. I then came to a decision to stop waiting and come back to focus on my writing again.
   This disruption has caused me a great deal of my precious time and energy, but that's the price I had to pay for placing a high bet on trust– and trust alone. This took me a while to accept, sit with, and learn from it, and it brought me to one thing I always return to when shit like this happens. And that is, mental fortitude is the only thing that will get me out of the grave I dug for myself.
3. Then I went back home to Thailand for about a week. Reconnecting with some of my family members for the first time after the COVID rush in 2020, made me think of re-publish this article again. This is one of the first few articles I posted when I started on this website last year because it is the importance of the basics, the beginning point of getting to know who we are. I wrote it to reconfirm what I know, and hopefully, it will shed some light or bring your attention to the subject when you feel that the time to actualize your true Self has come. Read it here
4. On this trip, as I conversed with my forty-ish siblings and friends, a profound desire emerged within me. I felt so strongly that this was the time to begin compiling all of the knowledge and experiences I have gathered on the subject of guiding our souls through liminality. Midlife as we may have heard of, but not in the context of crisis. My hope is to present it in the context of the esteemed teaching of Depth Psychology by Carl Jung as readily comprehensible as possible to folks like ourselves who do not have a degree in psychology. Read it here
5. And of course, coming hand in hand with a long pause of being away from work is a disruption in the day-to-day routine. At times it feels almost like I have to start over again, learning how to schedule my day, and prioritizing what I need to do– all again! And here is the reminder I wrote for myself to master the art of showing up in the smallest way. Read it here

We need strength to push through while maintaining sanity, and to feel proud every time when we fight the force that pulls us down when the world gets bloody cloudy from outside in.

2 of this week's theme quotes.

"As we live our lives, we find ourselves confronted with a brute fact about how little we can know about our futures—just when it is most important to us that we do know. For many big life choices, we only learn what we need to know after we've done it, and we change ourselves in the process of doing it. I'll argue that, in the end, the best response to this situation is to choose based on whether we want to discover who we'll become." ― L.A. Paul, Transformative Experience.

“goal-directed self-imposed delay of gratification" is perhaps the essence of emotional self-regulation: the ability to deny impulse in the service of a goal, whether it be building a business, solving an algebraic equation, or pursuing the Stanley Cup. His finding underscores the role of emotional intelligence as a meta-ability, determining how well or how poorly people are able to use their other mental capacities.”― Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence.

1 self-reminder.

If it's not a good day, at least, how much good can I get out of today?

And what do I need to do?

Well, do that.

Hope you all have a great week.

168.2.1 was my first attempt to send out a weekly newsletter. It lasted eleven weeks. It was hard, too ambitious a goal, but it taught me to love myself through missteps and the adversity of perseverance.

168 hours have passed. Our lives are 168 hours shorter, what have we done, changed, or achieved? In what way did we grow? Stronger? Happier? Or Wiser?

Decluttering and cleaning is a kind of letting go of the past. This will help us notice and embrace the present moment knowing that it is all we actually have. The future will always be the future, every minute, every move of the clock's second hand, it leaves us in the present. The future you wish for has turned into now, and before you know it, it's now in the past. What am I waiting for? Wasting life in waiting for the moment that will eventually turn out to be now? So why not now? All you ever have is now. Find the love and peace, here and now.
Do you say yes to life? Do you embrace the things that give you joy and let go of the things that no longer serve a purpose? Or do you shrink back in fear within the comfort zone of the old thought pattern that keeps you small and scared?

5 themes I immersed in this week.

1. The future of AI. Right. We can't get enough of this possible AI threat in the media. The more we read the more it gets terrifying. But the idea of an intimate relationship with a bot never stops fascinating me, and to be honest, it is one of the greatest love stories ever told. Read more about it here
2. Momentum is so hard to gain, especially with keeping up with motivation to work (if you work from home, and alone) and exercise. Any prolonged suspense would take double or even triple the amount of time to swing you right back to where you were. This is why it's so precious. Read more about it here
3. Not only did the pandemic bring us economic recession, but in my opinion, it also cast a shadow on us when it comes to friendship and what it means to us. Ever since the age of globalization (what seems like a gazillion years ago), the impact of COVID-19 and its 'new normal' and social distance has brought us a kind of friendship recession. Read more about it here
4. Here in Japan, masks are finally off our faces and summer is coming, and I love the reunion of colors on my face. Honestly, what could be better than a barefaced with natural dewy smooth skin, peachy color on the cheeks, and shiny lips that reflect the bright summer sun? If makeup empowers you to feel energetic and upbeat, be unapologetically beautiful! Here are some of my current favorites for spring and summer, so good I have to share.

• NARS LIGHT REFLECTING™ ADVANCED SKINCARE FOUNDATION. Super light and natural, long wear, easy to apply with fingers like a face lotion. My skin but better!
• NARS AIR MATTE BLUSH in Rush. A mousse texture that is effortlessly blendable with your finger to create natural, weightless, velvety sun-kissed cheeks.
• DIOR ADDICT HYDRATING SHINE LIPSTICK in 636 Ultra Dior. Just one swipe glides like magic for the natural, my lips but better look. Perfect dark coral tint for a vibrant summer look.
• CHANEL ROUGE COCO GLOSS In 804 Rose Naif. Pair it with a lip pencil of your choice, or on top of any lipstick for a tinted shiny look, it's even great on itself. Not sticky the way most lip glosses feel, I promise.
• MISS DIOR EAU DE PARFUM. Heavenly summer floral divine!

5. I've been checking in with myself if I say enough 'yes' to life. Do I embrace the things that bring me joy and let go of the things that no longer serve a purpose? Or do I shrink back in fear within the comfort zone of the old thought pattern that keeps me small and scared?

No.

I show up, and I choose growth.

2 of this week's theme quotes.

"Other people actions are the result of their own pain and not the result of any intention to hurt you. A wrong perception can be the cause a lot of suffering." Thich Nhat Hanh.

It indeed had been a challenging few weeks, but that's all behind us now we're moving on to the next chapter. This outdated baggage is no longer useful to me, I am grateful for the experience but I am going to part ways with it now.

"The aim of individuation is nothing less than to divest the self of the false wrappings of the persona on the one hand and the suggestive power of primordial images on the other." Carl Jung.

Jung believed that individuals have an innate drive towards self-realization and that this can only be achieved by making conscious choices and taking responsibility for one's life. Therefore, the demanding requirement of individuation is to return to one's nature, to one's true being-- to who you really are. Striving to reconnect with your original Source is our major work, and it will continue throughout the remaining of our lifetime.

1 self-reminder.

You are a total sum of your own decisions. Choose.

Who you are now, who do you want to be, and where do you want to be in life? Choose, and then take massive actions. Would you be willing to say NO to the old thought patterns or beliefs that keep you small and scared?

Choose.

Hope you all have a great week.

168.2.1 was my first attempt to send out a weekly newsletter. It lasted eleven weeks. It was hard, too ambitious a goal, but it taught me to love myself through missteps and the adversity of perseverance.

16 March 2018

I took this shot with my phone in 2016 out of the Glacier Express window, and since then, this lucky shot has become one of my favorite special moments.

At one of the peaks, I don’t remember where but the train made a very brief stop at this station, that faces a panoramic view of the Swiss Alps. In that moment of the fast setting sun, in the exact second, I looked out the window on that particular side I was sitting on, this hiker gentleman walked past and decided to make a stop right there in my frame and struck me this pose.

This is synchronicity.

This makes the peak experience, that exact moment, so random and special that it had me shed tears of joy (or maybe it was the wine…) — it was perfect. It was meant for me.

The essence of this is that we all can experience more of these special few, fleeting seconds by simply looking around, up and down, and noticing all the subtle details that make that moment what it is — and appreciate the cosmic orchestra the universe has arranged especially for us, and us alone.

There is magic in every moment, no matter where you are. Cultivate your awareness to be present in the moment, there, you’ll see.

Always.

Thank you for spending time with me today.

6 June 2022

I've overcome the anxiety of having to save every space on the paper. Most of the time, I didn't need to– I'm just a hoarder.

I hoard things that nurture my insecurity of the, "I'm not enough" old days, and today I realized that the awareness fortress of the fact that I'm no longer back in that time, is cured and strong.

I don't need to stress over petty peeves like this. I have a choice now.

Even a small but significant discovery like this, counts.

✨Triumph.

12 August 2020

Can you take a close look at why you act the way you act? And can you identify which parts of that you want to change? Is it fear? Is it rage? Is it grief or maybe loneliness?

Can you begin dealing with them now, and deal with them quickly? Carrying them around in life will make you mentally ill.

What is it in me that I don't like? Who the hell am I, really? And who did I think I was? Have I been living a version of me, but not really me? Am I that person I think I am? Am I actually living that life?

I think who I think I am, and who I really am, aren't the same person. I want to be that person I think I am.

Damn. I thought I was better than I actually am.

I will become the person I thought I was. I can make that happen. I think I have more control over how I want to experience this life than I think.

And I know I'm right.