Still Mad

There's a fly in the house.

I killed two mosquitoes already, and it's only 9 o'clock. I will try not to kill that fly.

Fucking pain in the neck.

I'm still mad. And still don't know what has caused this rage.

I will continue to write until I find out, or until things start to make sense, or until I'm healed.

Took Wallie out to the beach this morning. Fed the dogs on the street. I was relieved that they all seemed OK. Not particularly healthy, but not sick or in any kind of pain.

But then, on the way home, while driving past that humongous wasteland, I saw four puppies. Tiny puppies are maybe a month old, the mother was nowhere to be seen. They seemed to be having fun playing, but were dangerously close to the busy road.

I felt grief rushing through when I thought about their future, but I had to stop my head from feeding me stories that I'll never know if they're true.

Only the heartbreak was real.

I sent them metta. I hope they'll make it to a good life., and I kept going.

And I'm mad at Bali again.

Fuck.